By Liz Nicholls, 12thnight.ca

“You’re a mean one, Mr. (Blank)… You’re as cuddly as a cactus/ You’re as charming as an eel….”

They’ve always wanted a holiday tradition to call their own, a special Christmas show that, as Matt Schuurman says, “is very Rapid Fire.”

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That was the Sugarplum Fairy that danced in the heads of Rapid Fire’s deluxe improvisers in 2018, says their artistic director, retracing the route to the return Thursday of RFT’s original Christmas musical The Blank Who Stole Christmas. 

Theatre companies regularly ‘Bah humbug!’ their way to fame and fortune every Christmas. Ballet companies have their dancing nutcrackers, sure, and symphonies their Hallelujah Choruses. But an improv comedy company? A theatre that specializes in the unpredictable, in not knowing exactly how everything will turn out, by definition?

Five years ago Schuurman was looking at “our show season and audience attendance trends,” he says. And he was pondering the mystery that while December was the busiest of months for Rapid Fire’s corporate gig arm, “our December audiences were some of the lightest of the year, historically.” Conclusion: “we need a Christmas show!”

The closest RFT had come to a show for the figgy pudding season, during the company’s eight-year residence in the Citadel’s Zeidler Hall, was to invite the actor playing Scrooge in the Citadel’s A Christmas Carol to an improv night. “He’d say all his lines, and we’d improvise around him.”

“We always love the match-up of script and improv,” says Schuurman. Enter Dr. Seuss and his famous anti-hero. Getting the Grinch rights would be impossible, of course, and “we wouldn’t want to do a straight-up version of that anyhow.”

The other inspiration for The Blank Who Stole Christmas was a hit holiday show (still up and running)  that a former RFT artistic director Kevin Gillese had created for Rapid Fire’s sibling improv company Dad’s Garage in Atlanta. Invasion Christmas Carol, as Schuurman describes, is a version of the Dickens tale, “with all the roles in place. Then at every performance an invader walks in — a member of the ensemble as any character they want in any costume — and crashes the show. And the cast, who have rehearsed the script have to adapt…. I loved the idea!”

So Schuurman and co set about creating “an homage, a love letter, to everything Rapid Fire. What’s all the stuff we can cram into one show? Like (the Citadel’s) A Christmas Carol, so full of theatre magic, effect, spectacle, and wonder. Let’s do that, all that fun and joy in one show — but in an improv way!”

The Blank Who Stole Christmas, Rapid Fire Theatre. Photo supplied.

Rapid Fire Theatre’s Christmas musical is “heavily based on the Grinch,” as you’ll glean from the title. Two RFT stars Gordie Lucius and Joleen Ballendine wrote the script. And Erik Mortimer and Chris Borger wrote the songs. “We’ve upped the ante with an actor’s nightmare (scenario),” says Schuurman. The lead actor, who arrives onstage as a character of their choice — a different guest star every performance — hasn’t been to a single rehearsal, much less learned any of their lines. “And the cast of five around them is trying to stay on script, but having to improvise to respond and adjust….”

Yes, the Blank is the ultimate agent of comic chaos. They’re the star of a uniquely dizzy showbiz adventure, different every performance. “The first couple of scenes, before the arrival of the Blank, are perfectly scripted, and then the pages get emptier and emptier,” Schuurman laughs.

And that happens with the songs, too, which start complete, and then get looser as they shove lyrics aside to make space for improv. “You have to sing, to Erik’s backing tracks. But sometimes there are no lyrics!” That kind of spontaneity is, well, terrifying. But then, that kind of brinkmanship is how Rapid Fire’s improvisers like their theatre, live in the most challenging way, fully charged, and in the moment.

a previous performance of The Blank Who Stole Christmas, Rapid Fire Theatre. Photo supplied.

No one except the guest star knows in advance who the Blank will be. Schuurman reports that in two runs, in 2019 and last season, “sometimes the character is very specific, a celebrity impression or a pop culture reference, sometimes more generic.” One performance, John McClane showed up as the Blank, an intriguing pairing of Die Hard and Dr. Seuss. One of the most eccentric choices belongs to RFT’s Paul Blinov, who arrived onstage as Charles Darwin engaged in a scientific study and “obsessed with earth worms.” A WEM mall cop was the Blank in one performance, which led to an outbreak of  local references. Even “the shirtless roller-blading guitar guy” who haunts Strathcona has been the Blank.

A previous performance of The Blank Who Stole Christmas, Rapid Fire Theatre. Photo supplied

The show exists in three different versions, one “nice’ (kids’ matinees), one “naughty” (for 8 p.m. evening shows that are “more South Park than Seuss” as Schuurman describes), and one “wicked” for the late-night crowd.

Schuurman’s daughter Alice, a showbiz veteran in her single-digit years, “has often given me notes,” he laughs. The performer playing the Blank is “a secret,” says Alice’s dad, who’s directing the show this year for the first time. “Only I have the list.” The element of surprise, after all, is part of the fun. But there’s an optional spoiler link on the RFT website, with “a very easy hint” about the actor for improv fans.

RFT’s holiday tradition, happening for the first time in their new ‘forever home’ at the Exchange Theatre, can never grow old. “Literally any character works … beloved or low-status. And the cool thing is that we will never run out of possibilities. We have a year’s worth of references to work with!”

PREVIEW

The Blank Who Stole Christmas

Theatre: Rapid Fire Theatre

Directed by: Matt Schuurman

Starring: Abby Vandenberghe, Marg Lawler, Lee Boyes, Katie Turner and Katie Yoner, Michael Vetsch

Where: Rapid Fire Exchange Theatre, 10437 83 Ave.

Running: Thursday through Dec. 23

Tickets: rapidfiretheatre.com