Mhairi Berg and Evan Dowling in Die Harsh The Christmas Musical, Grindstone Theatre. Photo by Adam Goudreau

By Liz Nicholls, 12thnight.ca

If you think the frozen-hearted Mr. Scrooge is a hard sell for Christmas cheer — “are there no workhouses; are there no prisons?” — just you wait till you meet the “hero” of Die Harsh: The Christmas Musical.

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There is something mesmerizing (and damn funny) about the combination of low-budget theatrical ingenuity, rarefied nerd-ism, and musical cleverness that underwrites Grindstone Theatre’s new “holiday musical.”

In homage, as they’ve said, to their favourite Christmas movie of all time, the musical comedy team of Byron Martin and Simon Abbott, parodists extraordinaire (Jason Kenny’s Hot Boy Summer, thunderCATS), have undertaken a double narrative spiral that parodies both Die Hard and A Christmas Carol, at the same time.

They’ve put an action thriller onstage — in cognoscenti detail and with a cast of five — impossible, and impossibly goofy, in itself. And they’ve woven the infrastructure of Die Hard with that of the quintessential Dickens ghost story — known in every detail and every line — of last-minute redemption on Christmas Eve. Plus, Abbott, the composer of the pair (and the keys player of the live four-piece band), has devised a score and lyrics that are playful and allusive about both strands of the show.

Who would think of doing this? And in a way — not for dabblers — that’s crazily complicated and takes full comic advantage of the small size of both cast (five excellent and very busy singer-dancer-actors) and budget? My favourite prop in the show is the tin-foil vent which the NYPD cop John McWayne (Evan Dowling, who’s very amusing), who takes in a cross between Elmer Fudd and hard-ass New Yaaahk, hides in the office high-rise, Origami Tower, where the action happens. My second favourite is the cardboard car in which the rapping Ghost of Christmas Present (Paul-Ford Manguelle), in a terrific Abbott song, drives the possibly irredeemable Hans Schmuber (David Findlay) on a tour of his current moral misdemeanours.

Evan Dowling, David Findlay, Mhairi Berg in Die Harsh The Christmas Musical, Grindstone Theatre. Photo by Adam Goudreau

The title song, the opening musical gambit of a piece that includes among its many warnings “several words in German,” is Abbott’s perfect pastiche of a classic James Bond theme (with German accents). “He just von’t die … harsh.” Yes, the name is Hans. Hans Schmuber. He’s the trench-coated head of an international German terrorist gang (a lot of blondes onstage), as he reveals in song  — à la Rocky Horror’s Sweet Transvestite, “Ich bin ein sexy German terrorist….” His signature song, though, might be the perky musical theatre number Another Year Another Heist.

Amid the The Origami Corporation Christmas party, filled out from the ranks of the audience, Hans and his cohorts take hostages. Imagine that, on Kwismuss (as McWayne would say)! Yup, he is bad and he smokes. “Nothing can stand between me and the money in that vault.” Well, wait, there is John McWayne, and his estranged wife Holly (Mhairi Berg), and cops, and the FBI (Berg and Mark Sinongco), who get a very funny tap number — and deliver, much to the crowd’s delight.

And there are ghosts: of course there are. “Why do you doubt your senses?” demands the Jacob Marley stand-in, . A: Because a bit of bratwurst can affect them.

The references to both founding narratives keep coming. Hans Schmuber on Christmas morning is a rare sight; so is Tiny Tim. The creators are steeped in musical theatre and pop culture. And the songs, from romantic ballads to patter numbers to German polkas, arrive at climactic moments, and come equipped with giddy choreography (by director Martin). The faltering romance between McWayne and Holly Donairo gets a big sweeping ballet number, with Berg as the dying swan. Bonkers and shameless and fun.

There is unrequited love in both stories as you recall. And Martin’s cast, who change costumes and wigs (designer: Beverly Gan) at a dizzying rate to keep up with the pellmell sentiment vs. violence plot, enter and exit the stage at an aerobic tempo. All five are strong singers, and they tuck into a variety of styles with gusto, even when the script and the concept leave you occasionally wondering what just happened there.

“Chwismuss will never be the same,” the cast sings late in the show, a big showbiz ensemble finish. Die Harsh, a new Grindstone tradition, makes its own original contribution to that. 

REVIEW

Die Harsh: The Christmas Musical

Theatre: Grindstone Theatre

Created by: Byron Martin and Simon Abbott

Directed by: Byron Martin

Starring: David Findlay, Evan Dowling, Mhairi Berg, Paul-Ford Manguelle, Mark Sinongco

Where: Varscona Theatre, 10329 83 Ave.

Running: through Dec. 23

Tickets: grindstonetheatre.ca