Evan Dowling, David Findlay, Mhairi Berg in Die Harsh The Christmas Musical, Grindstone Theatre. Photo by Adam Goudreau

By Liz Nicholls, 12thnight.ca

If seasonal stress and/or ennui, or spending time in a mall parking lot have so far squashed your festive spirit beyond recognition it’s pretty obvious you need the booster shot of a live holiday show. And you’re in luck: like tannenbaums and sweaters with antlers, they come in every size, shape, and personality in this theatre town.

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Herewith, a 12thnight guide to getting jolly at a theatre near you.

•If you like your musical comedy black and nutty, check out what a couple of smart, sassy parodists besotted with musical theatre can do when they join a blockbuster action thriller to … A Christmas Carol in unholy matrimony. Really. Die Harsh: the Christmas Musical, by the Grindstone Theatre satirist team of Byron Martin (book) and Simon Abbott (music), is the only holiday show in town with its own gang of international terrorists. Die Harsh returns for a fourth holiday season Thursday and runs at the Orange Hub  (10045 156 St.) through Dec. 28. Tickets: grindstonetheatre.ca.

The cast of The Blank Who Stole Christmas, Rapid Fire Theatre. Photo supplied.

•Rapid Fire Theatre’s very own holiday tradition, back for a fifth Yule,  is a musical that, in an original, unpredictable, crazily complex way, combines scripted musical theatre and improv. The Blank Who Stole Christmas has a different Grinchian villain every night. A different secret guest star, unknown to the cast in advance arrives onstage as a character of their choice. Surprise! So the five actors who’ve rehearsed the script and the music have to improvise around the newcomer who might be as unlikely a villain as Tiny Tim or Mrs. Santa. At a recent show, the Addams Family led by Mark Meer showed up. It runs at RFT’s Exchange Theatre through Dec. 21 in three different versions, dependent on the amount of swearing and raunch you’re up for: Nice (“family-friendly”), Naughty (“playful and cheeky”) and Nasty (“completely unfiltered, bold, blush-worthy” for the 18-plus crowd). Tickets: rapidfiretheatre.com.

John Ullyatt in A Christmas Carol, Citadel Theatre. Photo by Nanc Price,

•The Citadel’s holiday tradition of 26 years standing is a lavish and beautiful production of A Christmas Carol. For the last six, David van Belle’s music-filled version has located the flinty Ebenezer across the pond and ahead a century where he’s grimly totting up the bottom line as the proprietor of Marley’s Department Store, a terror to the staff. And John Ullyatt is a memorable Scrooge in the production directed by Lianna Makuch.  Have a peek at the 12thnight review here. It runs through Dec. 24. Tickets: citadeltheatre.com, 780-425-1820,

Ellie Heath, Alyson Dicey, Caley Suliak, Girl Brain. Photo by Brianne Jang, bb collective photography.

•At Theatre Network, the sketch comedy trio Girl Brain, specialists in finding hilarity in everyday anxieties and absurdities, celebrate their coming sabbatical with a finale holiday show. Girl Brain, Actually, is as you might suspect inspired by that movie (OK, if Love, Actually was set at West Edmonton Mall). Theatre Network artistic director Bradley Moss, who’s leaving the company after 30 years, directs the show as his exit offering. Read all about it in the 12thnight preview here. Girl Brain, Actually runs through Dec. 21. Tickets: theatrenetwork.ca.

Jenny McKillop and Kendra Connor, How Patty And Joanne Won High Gold At The Grand Christmas Cup Winter Dance Competition, Northern Light Theatre. Photo by Brianne Jang

•If you’ve been known to actually leave a Black Friday sale location if the store soundtrack has looped to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You, prepare to have your preconceptions melt. That song its re-born as a climactic moment of resolution in Patty And Joanne Win High Gold At The Grand Christmas Cup Winter Dance Competition, Trevor Schmidt’s new holiday comedy. What it’s needed all along was tap dancing; who knew? The Northern Light Theatre production is a light funny bon-bon of a comedy, with a sweet centre in performances by Kendra Connor and Jenny McKillop as hopeful middle-aged tappers. It runs through Dec. 13. Read the 12thnight review here. Tickets: northernlighttheatre.com.

The Best Little Newfoundland Christmas Pageant Ever, Whizgiggling Productions. 2022 photo supplied.

•Whizgiggling Productions, the indie theatre proudly named after the Newfoundland lingo for acting silly and foolish, is back this weekend with the 16th incarnation of their signature holiday show The Best Little Newfoundland Christmas Pageant … Ever!. Welcome to the Rock. The annual town pageant is at risk when the Herdmans, “the worst kids in school,” show up for the auditions (mainly because they’ve heard there are snacks), shove everyone aside and claim all the best parts. They’re perplexed by the whole Christmas plot with the “three wise guys”: What? Mary ties him up and shoves him in a feedbag? Where’s Child Welfare?. It’s a funny glimpse into the high-stress world of amateur theatricals, and it’s heartwarming, and you get to sing along. The cast this year includes Vicky Berg, Billy Brown, Kayla Gorman, Natalie Czar Gummer, Cheryl Jameson, Bob Rasko, Lindsey Walker. It runs Friday through Sunday at the Varscona (10329 83 Ave.). Tickets: tickets.varsconatheatre.com.

Davina Stewart, Dana Andersen, Andrea House, Paul Morgan Donald in It’s A Wonderful Christmas Carol, at the Varscona. Photo by Ryan Parker.

•At Fort Edmonton Park, one of E-Town’s most atmospheric locations (even snow looks good there), It’s A Wonderful Christmas Carol has been back at the vintage Capitol Theatre, as part of the Christmas Market. Billed as a “hilarious, haunting, and silly” re-telling of the classic, the show has an all-star cast: Dana Andersen, Andrea House, Paul Morgan Donald and Davina Stewart. Their final performance is Saturday. Also on the Christmas Market roster is the final weekend, Saturday and Sunday, for A Kidmas Carol, a Puddle of Mudd family-friendly and interactive entertainment by and starring Delia Barnett and Truss Verkley. Tickets and schedules for both shows, at yegxmasmarket.com, include full access to the Park before and after.

Randy Borsosky and Andréas Wallace in Present Laughter, Walterdale Theatre. Photo by Scott Henderson

Mirth is what you’re after, right? Not just eggnog. Noel Coward’s 1939 comedy, Present Laughter borrows its title from Shakespeare ‘s Twelfth Night: “present mirth hath present laughter.” The  story of Garry Essendine, the aging matinee idol with acres of charm and vanity to match, amply qualifies as mirthful. And, hey, it’s about theatre, and Walterdale Theatre has set it at Christmas time. The Walterdale Present Laughter, starring Randy Brososky, the man of all hours, is the first time in nearly 25 years the play  has been on an Edmonton stage. It runs through Saturday at Walterdale’s vintage Strathcona playhouse on 83 Ave. Tickets: showpass.com.

Next week there is more theatrical festivity to be had: Bear Grease: Shack Up For The Winter, a holiday version of LightningCloud’s hit production, is an Indigenous twist on the 1978 musical that’s built into our DNA. It runs at the Citadel Dec. 18 to 21 (tickets: citadeltheatre.com). NUOVA Vocal Arts’ production of the seasonal classic Miracle on 34th Street is at the Capitol Theatre in Fort Edmonton Park Dec. 18 to 23, as part of the Christmas Market there. And Canada’s Ukrainian Nutcracker, a spectacular huge-cast take on the seasonal classic from Shumka, is at the Jube Dec. 20 and 21. Tickets: ticketmaster.ca. Stay tuned for an upcoming  12thnight preview interview with Clara and the Nutcracker Prince!