Girl Brain, 2019: Ellie Heath, Caley Suliak, Alyson Dicey. Photo by Brianne Jang, bb ccollective photography

A Girl Brain postscript, from Ellie Heath

As Girl Brain prepares to open their finale show ‘Girl Brain, Actually’ at Theatre Network (Dec. 11 to 21) before their sabbatical, I wondered about their own favourite sketches in eight Girl Brain years of sketch comedy? Ellie Heath consulted with her cohorts Alyson Dicey and Caley Suliak. This is what she wrote….

Alyson’s Favourite Sketch: Magic School Bus

“Alyson wrote a parody of The Magic School Bus for one of our first shows. It’s an epic, cinematic, and way too technically complicated scene (which came to be Alyson’s specialty…).

In the scene, Miss Drizzle cheerfully drags her students on an educational “field trip” inside the body of an absent classmate, Donna—who’s staying home with mysterious “lady problems.” What starts as a goofy anatomy lesson about puberty quickly escalates into a chaotic emotional odyssey as they explore Donna’s firing neurons, budding romantic feelings, secret fears, and overwhelming teenage angst. The students are terrified while Miss Drizzle remains unnervingly upbeat, guiding them through hormonal chaos like it’s the world’s strangest science exhibit. In the end, they escape just as the metaphorical walls close in—learning that adolescence feels a lot like a haunted house full of emotions, confusion, and general “shit” coming at you.”

Caley’s Favourite Sketch: Lamp Mask

“Caley, as she often does, wrote a ‘weeping vag’ scene based verbatim on a real life experience. It was late at night, the character was at home doomscrolling, and after one too many glasses of white wine spritzers, she decided that a red light therapy mask from China would fix all of her problems. She entered in her card number, went to bed, and promptly forgot about her purchase for the next three weeks.

When the box arrived, she was surprised and thrilled to start her anti-aging journey. The packaging was gorgeous, but upon opening it, she discovered the mask itself was something straight out of a Star Wars nightmare gone wrong. It required three different cord types to make it work, rendering it nearly impossible to plug in anywhere in her apartment. After struggling for nearly an hour with different extension cords and outlets, she turned to the instructions, which were even more confusing…ex: “Step 5 – prohibit use of crowd, light allergic person. Use, or stop using.”

Dejected, she decided to chalk it up to a lesson learnt in online shopping. At least she hadn’t paid that much for it, right? Wrong. Tears welled in her eyes, as she checked the receipt. $278.

Lamp Mask has been used in many Girl Brain shows, and never for its intended purpose. It remains one of the most expensive Girl Brain props to date.”

Ellie’s Favourite Sketch: Herpes

“One of Ellie’s earliest sketches is Herpes. She wrote it shortly after receiving her own diagnosis, using comedy as a way to flip the script on the shame she initially felt. The scene centres on three women attempting to outdo each other with increasingly dramatic declarations of relationship commitment. Two friends go back and forth until they finally turn to the third woman, wondering why she hasn’t chimed in.

She calmly reveals that the only thing her boyfriend ever gave her was herpes. Instead of recoiling in horror, the friends are jealous, because, in their minds, she is now bound to her partner for life… courtesy of herpes.

Getting to perform the sketch with Alyson and Caley is always the cherry on top every single time it revisits the stage.”